why didn't you poke me back
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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