My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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