Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
