i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
