You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
