im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
