I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
