I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
