Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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