Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
