so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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