What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
