I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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