This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
