bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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