The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
