I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
