Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
