And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize