I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
