they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
