i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
