you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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