So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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