Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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