one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
They took my balls.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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