I am puke
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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