People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
