I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
