I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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