I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
