Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
