Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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