i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
