no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
