wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
