you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
