I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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