ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
