your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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