I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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