Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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