Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your cock deserves a montage
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
not ubering you a puppy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
