I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize