Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm at about main and main street
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Verdict: uncircumcised.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
