I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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