We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
