you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
