Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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