About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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