I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
