In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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