the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
