I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
