we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize