What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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