Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
