I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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