Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
