My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
