Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
