I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
