i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
