You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All the doctor said was why
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
