If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
