i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
