She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
