T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
