So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
