In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
